...spoke to the family members we owe money to. I spoke with one, DH spoke with the other. Both are very sad and supportive, and told us that we "didn't have to worry about paying them back right away." I told them I appreciated their kind gestures, but I (and DH) both intend to keep making some sort of payment back to them, and will increase it once DH is back to work.

Everyone's been so kind. I would have thought they'd be angry, but they're not.

...that we have to file for bankruptcy.

Not what DH and I initially wanted, but unfortunately we need to close the business and move on. Because of the nature of ownership, we have to declare personal bankruptcy. We will be able to keep our home, but all credit card debt will be eliminated. That doesn't even equal half the amount of what we poured into the business the last few years to keep afloat and keep people employed.

Since October we haven't made any credit card payments, and finally we are at the point where we are actually saving money each month. The calls have been never-ending. I recall the lawyer saying to stop making payments...I questioned that, because it was my intent to pay those bills!

What bills do we have now? We still have the income tax due to Uncle Sam that we're paying monthly on. That was due to taking $$ out of our retirement to fund the business earlier in 2008. Because we've been paying on it, it's down to about $9,000.00. We'll be paying that for 5 years total, unless we can come up with some extra money to apply to it.

We'll also be owing to the state - currently to the tune of $30,000.00. DH is working on selling the business. If that happens, the $$ received from the sale will eliminate some of that debt. But we will still have to pay it.

We'll also be paying on our mortgage and home equity line ($115K and $68K respectively). The home equity line was more money used to fund the business, and we had refinanced the house at one point to pay a business loan too.

We also owe our parents - one just under (and not much under) $30K, and the other about $1K. This was all to help fund the business.

DH also needs to find a job. Quickly. He's full aware of that. I will also be looking for something part-time to help lessen the debt load. Now that I won't be busy trying to rob Peter to pay Paul, I will have more time and energy to do so.

We've already decided that there is no need for a credit card (or any loan for that matter) in our future. If we need to get a new car, we will buy it with what we've saved.

Ugh. This all sucks. You know, people say the economy is improving. It certainly isn't. Our lawyer told us of countless people who have to close their businesses and are declaring bankruptcy. Although it's always good to know you're not alone, it's not necessarily a category I wanted to be included in.

Please don't tell me I'm that I am taking the easy way out and I should be responsible for my bills and pay them like an honest person. I really wanted to. But all in all, including business debt, we are nearly a half million dollars in debt. I make $40,000 a year, and my husband's income will be cut off once we close our doors, and it's highly doubtful he's going to find a "good" job right away. Right now we can almost afford to live on my income. Almost.

When we opened our business 7 years ago, we wanted to make an honest living, and give people the means to put food on their table and a roof over their heads. We did provide to the employees, but at the cost of nearly losing all we had. Nice guys really do finish last.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanaukkah, Kwanzza, or nothing at all, may peace be with you.